Eeeee the Merchant
Eeeee (HD 3, AC as None, Attack as Club) is a six-foot tall ambulatory mandrake root wearing a straw hat and a red neckerchief. They communicate through high pitched squeals and emphatic gesticulations of their handless arm stumps. They pull their cart through the wilderness, buying and selling magic items and eschewing civilization.
In addition to their inventory, Eeeee has 4300sp and a burlap sack of bonemeal and chicken manure. You could certainly try to rob Eeeee, they can emit a sound that liquifies the organs of all creatures within 30' (save vs petrification to merely lose 5d6 hit points).
- Earthquake hammer, 1200sp. An impressive greathammer +1, whose heft requires Strength of 15 to wield effectively. It can be brought down on the ground to cause an earthquake affecting everything within five miles. This breaks the hammer
- Lucky fairy amulet, 2100sp. A fairy leg in a stoppered up glass jar, tied to a loop of jute. Worn in the wilderness, it grants +1 to all saving throws and reaction rolls. There is a 1-in-20 chance per day that the fairy will catch up with you to get her leg back. She's quite understanding given the circumstances -- this is the third time she's had that leg taken. She offers a fey blessing in exchange for the leg back
- Magic Rooster, 1600sp. By all appearances, a normal rooster. However, its blood is a potion of levitation. You can safely harvest one dose per week. He is used to this treatment and settles down into your arms, knowing he gets extra corn after. If you harvest a second dose, you have a 4-in-6 chance of killing the rooster. Harvesting a third dose in a week kills the rooster, but the blood will actually function as a potion of flight
- Nail of mending, 1500sp. Easy to drive into any item or creature, like hammering into soft clay. Inserting the nail repairs the item completely, though it does have a nail stuck in it. If a piece is missing, fluid iron flows to take shape and replace what isn't there. Removing the nail is just as easy and returns the item to its broken state
- Selkie cloak, 1200sp. A fine garment of silky, dark brown fur, As leather +1 but quite suitable for a fancy occasion. If you walk into salt water while wearing this, you turn into a seal. This process probably destroys your other clothes and makes you unable to hold things or wear a normal backpack, but you can swim quite fast and hold your breath for an hour.
- Treehouse arrows ×3, 900sp. Sprouts upon hitting a solid surface. Over the next hour it grows into a sturdy tree appropriate to the environment. A platform with a rope ladder sprouts in its branches. The rope ladder is always annoyingly rolled up.
Listening To: The Tower of a Million Gems by Slave Spellcaster
Reading: Arm of the Sphynx by Josiah Bancroft
Watching: Babylon 5, Season 1